Killing the Buddha

deadline theology

 
 
KtBlog / The Communicant

Haiti Haiti Haiti!!!

by Mary Valle

PSA for KGOD, Boise Idaho. 1/2010 A.D.

(GARY OWENSESQUE ANNOUNCER) Americans! You know that thing where there’s only one set of footprints on the beach ’cause that’s where Jesus carried you? Well, right now, in Haiti, there aren’t any footprints on the beach.

(OMINOUS SYNTHESIZER) Jesus is overloaded! He needs YOU to step into the breach and help the people of Haiti in their time of need! It’s not just food and shelter! Man doesn’t live on bread alone, fellow Christians!

(“VOODOO” DRUMS) Souls are at risk! And have been for some time in this cursed land! Children! Are growing up with dangerous, Satanic influences! And more are arriving daily! Won’t you help?

(CHEERFUL LIGHT JAZZ) After all, “disaster” is only another word for “opportunity.” God broke Haiti’s eggs, fellow Christians. Who’s going to scramble ‘em? Come to

Haiti

Haiti

HAITI!!!!!

and save

Souls

Souls

SOULS!!!!

(Laws may vary. If arrested, claim to be doing the Lord’s work.)


| Write a letter to the editors | Give back to KtB

February 5, 2010

Mary Valle lives in Baltimore and, in the latest KtB book, Believer, Beware, wrote about her adventures in sex ed at Catholic school. She blogs on KtB as The Communicant. For more Mary, check out her blog or follow her on Twitter. She is currently working on a novel called The Hexagon, which is, roughly, Rosemary's Baby set in a Waldorf-type school.

2 Responses to “Haiti Haiti Haiti!!!”

  1. Bob R.
    February 5th, 2010 at 11:10 am

    This reminds me of a piece I wrote on my blog a week or so ago. It’s a satirical piece about how the Demons are delighted over the influx of souls and money into Haiti. Check it out here:

    http://aprioriblues.blogspot.com/2010/01/breaking-news-demons-in-haiti-delighted.html

  2. TTAISI
    February 5th, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    Nice work, Mary! So disturbing on so many levels, not least for nailing the problem … so precisely.

Say your piece: