Mary Valle

Mary Valle lives in Baltimore and is the author of Cancer Doesn't Give a Shit About Your Stupid Attitude: Reflections on Cancer and Catholicism. She blogs on KtB as The Communicant. For more Mary, check out her blog or follow her on Twitter.

Recent Posts by Mary

Catholic Boy Meets Jesus

Clap Your Hands! by Larry Tomsczak (Logos International, 1973). Clap Your Hands! is the autobiography of 23-year-old Larry Tomsczak, who, at the time of the book’s publishing, was the “nation’s only full-time Catholic evangelist.” It’s not surprising that later on in life, Larry parted ways with the Magisterium and started his own ministry. Larry’s story…

Look for the Rainbow! (A Short Musical)

There are three characters. MAINLINE is a middle-aged, nondescript, reverend in generic dog-collar, cardigan, and sneakers. CATHOLIC wears elaborate robes, a pointy hat, bears a crozier. EVANGELICAL has on the short-sleeved elasticated-bottom ick-shirt and goatee, with a phone on his belt and a big cross on a chain around his neck. MAINLINE: Whatever shall we…

God Made my Sister Pretty for a Reason!

In a KtB exclusive, we present a few actual pages from the diary of FLDS leader Warren Jeffs:

Dispatch From the Snowpocalypse

We kicked off the Blizzard of ’10 with a Friday snow day, wherein my husband and I raced to drop off our daughter at her grandmother’s and then to the animal hospital to have our cat euthanized before it got really hairy out there, since we didn’t want to leave Noel suffering in the hospital…

Haiti Haiti Haiti!!!

PSA for KGOD, Boise Idaho. 1/2010 A.D. (GARY OWENSESQUE ANNOUNCER) Americans! You know that thing where there’s only one set of footprints on the beach ’cause that’s where Jesus carried you? Well, right now, in Haiti, there aren’t any footprints on the beach. (OMINOUS SYNTHESIZER) Jesus is overloaded! He needs YOU to step into the…

Fighting for Jesus: A Short Play

MOM is a mom, who’d like nothing more than to spend her spare time doing things she enjoys but instead must contend with MATTHEW, her 30ish, grown-ass unemployed son. (Suitable for puppets.) MOM: Look, honey, Linda emailed me an article. MATTHEW: (…) MOM: Sweetheart, you might really want to take a look at this. MATTHEW:…

Wet Prairie Dress Contest

I keep thinking that we should really get a subscription to National Geographic. My daughter, who is 6, has a great love of the natural world and everything scientific and historical. In the go-to stack of books next to her bed are volumes on Darwin, early education in America and the Harvard Home Medical Guide….

New! Scientology Alarm

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE January 27, 2010 Cultco is pleased to announce our new Scientology Alarm. This breakthrough device, which fits discreetly on the back on any wristwatch, can be activated by your blinking alone . Your unique “distress blink” is programmed into the tiny chip, which is set to go off at any time, anywhere….

Humanist Chaplains: Casual Authority

From the Handbook For Humanist Chaplains: Art: keep it nonspecific. Nongendered humanoids in joyful poses are ideal. Furniture: In keeping with the idea of nonpatriarchal conversation, avoid wing chairs, club chairs, anything throne-like. Modern, airy, nontraditional shapes suggest an openness and mindful “today” outlook. Dress: Obviously, up to you. A nice dark pair of (new)…

I Am Running with You, Malcolm

From The Eternal Bookshelf… Are You Running With Me, Jesus? Prayers by Malcolm Boyd. Holt, Rinehart & Winston, 1965. (Reissued in 2006 b buy cheap cialis y Cowley.) Now this is my kind of priest: Smoking a cig, looking dapper, riding freedom buses and hanging out at coffeehouses. Malcolm Boyd, seminal gay Episcopal priest, celebrity…

Just Hunting With Some Cool Christian Guys

War’s just some guys, training each other up, bonding and showing the Arabs whose God is bigger— a big ol’ hunting trip for Christ (source)

God’s Tees

Recently in Mount Vernon, Ohio, students wore T-shirts to school that said “I support Mr. Freshwater—God” on the front, in support of their science teacher. Mr. Freshwater is under fire for keeping a Bible on his desk and allegedly burning crosses onto students’ skin with a Tesla coil as well as teaching creationism. God, when…

Killing the Buddha

I Would Use My Last Ounce of Strength to Freak Out

There’s been an attack or an earthquake and you’re waiting for help lying on the ground, possibly bleeding and who shows up? Some dick with an e-meter (source)

Killing the Buddha

Jesus Rifles

This is my Jesus rifle This is my gun One’s for vanquishing the enemies of Christianity The other’s for urinating and procreation in a God-blessed man-woman lifetime marital union (source)

Killing the Buddha

What’s in Your Hand?

Generally speaking, if I’m sitting in front of a computer by myself? My dick. @ (Thanks to

“Gestalt Prayer” Fixes Everything

Stop searching now, Buddha-killers. I have the answer. I stumbled upon it while reading For Her Own Good: Two Centuries of Experts’ Advice to Women by Barbara Ehrenreich and Deirdre English. I was only looking for a few laughs and some fun anecdotes to share with my daughter, who loves hearing about the olden times….

Killing the Buddha

Friend Request: Your Jailer

Hey, so, yeah…how’s it going? What have you been up to? Sorry about that whole Gitmo deal. It wasn’t right, huh? Heard any good music lately? Write back! @

Let’s Talk About Your Hair, Ross

It may be that Brit Hume kicked off the most important debate in recorded history last week— A. Should Tiger Woods convert to Christianity to save his image and just possibly his soul? Or B. Is it appropriate in a liberal democracy for a cable news anchor to make such suggestions? I’m not sure which….