Mary Valle
Mary Valle lives in Baltimore and is the author of Cancer Doesn't Give a Shit About Your Stupid Attitude: Reflections on Cancer and Catholicism. She blogs on KtB as The Communicant. For more Mary, check out her blog or follow her on Twitter.
Recent Posts by Mary
The Boston Archdiocese Flu Protocol
Good news, Bostonians! No more limp handshakes and mumbled greetings of peace— you shall also be spared the embarrassing holding of strangers’ sweaty hands through an interminable singing of the Our Father! @
Bring Back Catholic Horror (Especially Dashing Jesuits Like Fr. Karras, am I Right, Ladies?)
House of the Devil might be promising— but I wish they’d bring back horror movies with heroic, Satan- banishing priests @
Admittedly, My Knowledge of This Comes from Barbara Pym Novels
Anglican rite! Shall we have jumble sales and excellent women and layers of cardigans keeping us warm in the drafty vicarage? Cups of tea and Whitsuntide? Evensong? Compline? A whole Trinity Season? And—just maybe—decent music? @
Scientologie
To: TC From: DM/Gold Base Tom, we need you. The Valkyrie thing? You took it to the Germans. Now it’s this French thing. They need your teeth of truth. They need us to spring them from their trap, so here’s the deal. Napoleon. In French. You need to speak to them. In their own archaic…
Predestination or Retroactively Suspicious Nomenclature?
James Arthur Ray— does your name seem sinister because of your amateur sweat lodge massacre? Or was it all over for you the minute your birth certificate was filled out? @ And this just in: Please, God don’t let me die crammed in a sweat lodge in Sedona, starving thirsting desperately While some joker periodically…
Just Toss the Used Ones on the Floor
“They said they went after girls with low self-esteem, prior sexual experience and a lack of options.” America: land of the free home of the brave mass incubator of potential teenage prostitutes @
Some Advice from Your Auntie Anchoress
Caleb Wickersham, 17-year-old atheist speaking of constitutional rights in the midst of a glorious Georgian explosion of football for Jesus! cheerleaders for Jesus! and fans for Jesus! Go to Brown and clean up, my boy @
Islam and the LDS are Closer Than We’d Like
We want to protect you, especially certain parts of you Please don’t throw yourself down stairs or drink Cytotec to kill your babies. Your wombs want life, Ms. Judillas of the world; we want the lives that your wombs will provide. Be not selfish, like those American and European women with their abortifacient and feticidal…
Thoughts detected above Ratzinger’s HQ
That damned American Sister Formation Movement was surely the work of Satan— Only Lucifer could possibly think that sisters needed higher education For what? Teaching brats? Cleaning bedpans? Polishing chalices? What did we get? Goddess-worshipping, homosexual-loving, apartment-dwelling, habit-shunning PhDs—teaching in our universities! Creating their own “theology!” Disseminating blasphemy! Working with the poor (I suppose that’s…
Better No Father than a “Father” Father
When a handsome, mustachioed Franciscan offers you his own special brand of “marriage counseling” Run as fast as your little Catholic legs can carry you @news
Whispering, Throatily, in the Ear of the “Communion”
O Anglicans Come a little closer, babies we’ve got a very, very special snack we think you all might like It’s called the Body of Christ (verus unus) @news
Triptych
The 12-year Chafe Polyester-blend uniforms are hairshirts for children The first time (I confessed) I made sure I would get Father Riordan, the dreamboat Irish priest. Face-to-face? Definitely. First confession, pt. 2 I had to make up sins which is, of course, a sin
Margaret Speaks Her Mind
I don’t believe in God, she says. I think it’s make-believe. Then she whispers But I won’t say that around people who believe in God so I don’t hurt their feelings
Bread of life à la James Beard
The body of Christ is best enjoyed with great lashings of butter and thinly sliced onions (More at Instant Poetry)
Truly It is a Good Friday
Chemo and pulling ivy are far preferable to incense, stations and kissing the cold feet of Jesus.
The Mucus
Catholics. Sex. Insert punchline here.
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