Mary Valle

Mary Valle lives in Baltimore and is the author of Cancer Doesn't Give a Shit About Your Stupid Attitude: Reflections on Cancer and Catholicism. She blogs on KtB as The Communicant. For more Mary, check out her blog or follow her on Twitter.

Recent Posts by Mary

Killing the Buddha

The Boston Archdiocese Flu Protocol

Good news, Bostonians! No more limp handshakes and mumbled greetings of peace— you shall also be spared the embarrassing holding of strangers’ sweaty hands through an interminable singing of the Our Father! @

Killing the Buddha

Bring Back Catholic Horror (Especially Dashing Jesuits Like Fr. Karras, am I Right, Ladies?)

House of the Devil might be promising— but I wish they’d bring back horror movies with heroic, Satan- banishing priests @

Killing the Buddha

Admittedly, My Knowledge of This Comes from Barbara Pym Novels

Anglican rite! Shall we have jumble sales and excellent women and layers of cardigans keeping us warm in the drafty vicarage? Cups of tea and Whitsuntide? Evensong? Compline? A whole Trinity Season? And—just maybe—decent music? @

Killing the Buddha

Scientologie

To: TC From: DM/Gold Base Tom, we need you. The Valkyrie thing? You took it to the Germans. Now it’s this French thing. They need your teeth of truth. They need us to spring them from their trap, so here’s the deal. Napoleon. In French. You need to speak to them. In their own archaic…

Killing the Buddha

Predestination or Retroactively Suspicious Nomenclature?

James Arthur Ray— does your name seem sinister because of your amateur sweat lodge massacre? Or was it all over for you the minute your birth certificate was filled out? @ And this just in: Please, God don’t let me die crammed in a sweat lodge in Sedona, starving thirsting desperately While some joker periodically…

Killing the Buddha

Just Toss the Used Ones on the Floor

“They said they went after girls with low self-esteem, prior sexual experience and a lack of options.” America: land of the free home of the brave mass incubator of potential teenage prostitutes @

Killing the Buddha

Some Advice from Your Auntie Anchoress

Caleb Wickersham, 17-year-old atheist speaking of constitutional rights in the midst of a glorious Georgian explosion of football for Jesus! cheerleaders for Jesus! and fans for Jesus! Go to Brown and clean up, my boy @

Killing the Buddha

Islam and the LDS are Closer Than We’d Like

We want to protect you, especially certain parts of you Please don’t throw yourself down stairs or drink Cytotec to kill your babies. Your wombs want life, Ms. Judillas of the world; we want the lives that your wombs will provide. Be not selfish, like those American and European women with their abortifacient and feticidal…

Killing the Buddha

Thoughts detected above Ratzinger’s HQ

That damned American Sister Formation Movement was surely the work of Satan— Only Lucifer could possibly think that sisters needed higher education For what? Teaching brats? Cleaning bedpans? Polishing chalices? What did we get? Goddess-worshipping, homosexual-loving, apartment-dwelling, habit-shunning PhDs—teaching in our universities! Creating their own “theology!” Disseminating blasphemy! Working with the poor (I suppose that’s…

Killing the Buddha

Better No Father than a “Father” Father

When a handsome, mustachioed Franciscan offers you his own special brand of “marriage counseling” Run as fast as your little Catholic legs can carry you @news

Killing the Buddha

Whispering, Throatily, in the Ear of the “Communion”

O Anglicans Come a little closer, babies we’ve got a very, very special snack we think you all might like It’s called the Body of Christ (verus unus) @news

Killing the Buddha

Triptych

The 12-year Chafe Polyester-blend uniforms are hairshirts for children The first time (I confessed) I made sure I would get Father Riordan, the dreamboat Irish priest. Face-to-face? Definitely. First confession, pt. 2 I had to make up sins which is, of course, a sin

Killing the Buddha

Margaret Speaks Her Mind

I don’t believe in God, she says. I think it’s make-believe. Then she whispers But I won’t say that around people who believe in God so I don’t hurt their feelings

Killing the Buddha

Bread of life à la James Beard

The body of Christ is best enjoyed with great lashings of butter and thinly sliced onions (More at Instant Poetry)

Killing the Buddha

Truly It is a Good Friday

Chemo and pulling ivy are far preferable to incense, stations and kissing the cold feet of Jesus.

The Mucus

Catholics. Sex. Insert punchline here.