Mary Valle
Mary Valle lives in Baltimore and is the author of Cancer Doesn't Give a Shit About Your Stupid Attitude: Reflections on Cancer and Catholicism. She blogs on KtB as The Communicant. For more Mary, check out her blog or follow her on Twitter.
Recent Posts by Mary
Playin’ God Today!
How do I intend to celebrate Play God Day today? Glad you didn’t ask. 1. I’m going to put bronze statues of Me everywhere. With little children hanging on my every word. 2. I will leave chocolate Mes in appropriate places for appropriate people. They are Lake Champlain chocolate Mes, so you might want to…
Monumental Satanic Panic
Bad news! New York’s Satanic Temple has drawn up plans for a Satanic monument outside the Oklahoma statehouse, including an “interactive children’s display.” Since the state legislature has allowed a Ten Commandments monument there, perhaps the gates have been tossed open to all manner of religious statuary! Here’s what I’m wondering: if “Satan” is an…
Happy Holidays From the Shack
Apparently the American Family Association has issued a “Scrooge Alert” calling for a “limited one-month” boycott of Radio Shack this Christmas. I think I speak for a lot of Americans when I say “There’s still a Radio Shack?” and furthermore “People still shop there?” and “What on earth do they buy there?” Crowdsourcing revealed nothing…
The Golden Helmet of Jubilation
Loki is my new Beatles, prayer-wise.
The Manetto’s Day Has Come
The other day on Twitter I mused that Vatican III will probably mandate special head-coverings for those with luxuriant sideburns, like, say, Bl. Martin Sheen in my new favorite movie of all time, Catholics. Who could concentrate on the Holy Sacrifice with such manly plentitude on display? I imagined the man-mantilla as a babushka scarf…
That’s Not the Priest From Rome, Surely?
Rugged scenery, Martin Sheen’s resplendent sideburns, inquiries into the nature of faith, Catholics has it all.
My Priest-Do List
So, 1970s Australian songbird Olivia Newton-John (you may know her best as Sandy in Grease—OMGosh! I wonder if she knows Sister Janet Mead?) recently flew in a priest to do a house exorcism in the hopes of unvibing her recently suicided-in pad. One time my sister and I were at the airport and we came…
BYOB Beads ‘n Booze
Tables For Two Five Wounds 874 Oskars Street, tel: 212-567-4001 Five Wounds is a new “multipurpose room” under 1 1/2 Avenue, in newly-dubbed DucManIs. The neighborhood, full of darkened storefronts and limb-lacking statuary, is an “underperforming Latvian Catholic shithole,” said Janis Ozols, the 14-year-old freshman at nearby St. Roland’s who handed out our “meal slips”…
Everybody’s Talkin’ (To The Pope)
So the Pope has been calling people. People keep saying “Hey, have you heard about the Pope’s phone calls? He’s calling pregnant adulteresses and troubled gay youths and being like ‘Special mama, have that baby and don’t let anyone give you the hairy eyeball!’ and ‘Dear little hombre, It’s 2013! Be proud of your gay…
Stink Lines*
*A prayer to the Holy Spirit, because that is who you bother with the small stuff.
Many Sour Saints
Pope Francis has made some statements regarding Catholic moods lately—admonishing clergy for having “sad, long faces” and saying “Buenos dias” to religious who may have psychiatric problems. Pope Francis has also said that “melancholy Christian faces have more in common with pickled peppers than the joy of having a beautiful life.” He added “Christian joy is…
Deacon Tim’s Ghost Degree
What’s scarier around a campfire than Catholicism’s moment of complete awesomeness?
This Is How My Garden Grows
The Communicant’s urban victory.
“Research and Therapy of Homosexuality”: A Flow Chart
The Boy Scouts of America are voting today to decide whether to accept gay boys in the organization. I’ve been preparing for this historic event by reading some phenomenal material by an organization called NARTH. Grappling with work of this caliber made my brain hurt a little, so I had to flowchart it out. (Click…
Egg-mail From Heaven and/or Latvia
A special appearance from Jesus.
Lenten Bingeing…For Good
People have been bingeing on TV shows, apparently, according to many boring recent articles. “Who cares?” I think, when confronted with boring prose about boring activities. “They’re just watching TV.” However, a few days ago, I found myself “bingeing” on something (during Lent!): I stayed up well past Quaker Midnight reading issues of Treasure Chest…
The Lent Bin
I’ve barely got my Christmas decorations put away and was pondering hearts and snowflakes for St. Valentine’s Day when I realized that Lent begins February 13th this year. February. 13. I mentioned this to a Sister in Christ and she said she had already gotten out her “bin of Lent stuff.” “I gotta get mine…
Dear Fr. Donovan
A parish priest in Springfield, IL, recently had to call 911 for assistance getting out of recreational handcuffs. In the rectory. Police allegedly found “some sort of gag” on the priest. This item has circulated widely on the Internet in the past few days. Chuckles abound at the priest getting up to some kind of…