Mary Valle, communicating while munching on communion, reports the news in verse.

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Lint is a time when we celebrate the generative power of our twin suns and Great Crater, from whence all water flows. It’s a fun time to take pictures, draw and listen to music. Here’s a photo I recently took in a church kitchen. Thanking people for not doing things they aren’t doing: that’s the…


SNL is On It

There’s a bit of uproar about a Saturday Night Live sketch about a Bible that depicts all the characters as birds. I would suggest to those who are offended or are about to get offended? Just let it go. It’s SNL: no one really cares. Or maybe some people do, but this lady could murmur…

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Before Rick Springfield publicly coveted his friend Jessie’s girl, he turned his attention upward. To the sky, but he wasn’t talking to the air. He was talking to the Lord. Then the world looked better! Speak to the Sky is a Linten classic — enjoy! His gentle God-rock reaches through time and space  


Fuzz Wednesday!

Did you know? Today marks the first day of Lint, an alternate-reality version of Lent. Fuzz Wednesday marks the yearly spring shedding of cats’ winter coats onto our coats. I’m combing my kitty Timmy now so I’m ready for tomorrow. We villagers will deposit our cat fuzz in the Sacred Pewter Urn. Then we will…


God Recap: Guns, Trucks and Inhospitality

God’s been up to a lot of stuff lately. According to Retired Lt. Gen. William “Jerry” Boykin, Jesus will return carrying an AR-15. Since the AR-15 is the most popular rifle in America, if Jesus touches down on U.S. soil (which he will) the citizenry might not be too alarmed to see that the Lord…


Salt’s New Honesty

In order to comply with the FDA’s new Full Disclosure program, Salt has rolled out a new label. Salt’s redesigned packaging has caused some controversy with food manufacturers and religious groups, who claim that Salt is crossing the line into medical advice and “things best left to to religious professionals.” What do you think of…


Your Catholic Modern Shrine of the Day

Feast your eyes on the Outdoor Ampitheatre at the National Shrine of Our Lady of the Snows in Belleville, Illinois. The miraculous snow being commemorated was said to have fallen in August in Rome at the behest of the Virgin Mary. Had it happened in February, I daresay no one would care.


Holy See News: St. Valentine’s Day Edition

Pope Francis has invited engaged couples to spend Valentine’s Day with him at an event that was originally scheduled for the Paul VI Hall but has since been moved to St. Peter’s Square, since over 17,000 are expected to attend. Donuts and coffee afterwards. No babysitting will be available. Not just any engaged couples, mind you.…

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He’s a Belieber

Justin Bieber, according to the New York Post, was recently “scouring New York for a pool” in which to conduct a “baptism-like ritual.” The fuzzy-lipped Canadian has been in trouble with the law as of late, and so required a “spiritual cleansing” of some sort. Justin is said to favor the Hillsong Church in New York,…


Happy Feast of St. Agatha!

Today is the feast day of St. Agatha, who fought off an icky Roman “suitor,” and was persecuted for her Christianity by banishment to a brothel and various tortures, including breast amputation and attendant rolling in glass. She is considered the patroness of breast cancerees. To celebrate, let’s look at some images of the mutilated…


Rental 1: Three Exorcisms

The Daily Mail reports that a house in Gary, Indiana was possessed so badly that a Catholic priest, Fr. Michael Maginot, had to perform not one, not two, but three exorcisms: two in English and one in Latin. Here’s the part that’s truly mind-boggling: After the final exorcism Father Maginot visited the house and blessed…

Killing the Buddha

Vatican: Bad Romance

Thanks, Irish Times, for answering a bewildering question. How did the Vatican get a seat amongst the nations of the world? “It just did.” OK, so how do they retain their status? The whole of the situation is mind-boggling: how does an organization that boldly discriminates against half of humanity and has an outsize influence…


Is The Pope a Rock Star?

I recently saw a banner hanging on a nearby hospital which said “Our Nurses Are Rock Stars!” I took a moment to imagine a soul-deadening cycle: the people who thought of this idea, formatted it on a PC and sent it to China, where the banner was printed in a factory and shipped to San…

Thoughts & Prayers

Thoughts and Prayers

People say “I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers” all the time. I have said it myself; I also say “I am thinking of you,” or, occasionally, “I will hold you in the light,” which is the Quaker version. “Thoughts and prayers” is a useful phrase, but do people really mean it? Is…


Playin’ God Today!

How do I intend to celebrate Play God Day today? Glad you didn’t ask. 1. I’m going to put bronze statues of Me everywhere. With little children hanging on my every word. 2. I will leave chocolate Mes in appropriate places for appropriate people. They are Lake Champlain chocolate Mes, so you might want to…

by Mary Valle

Monumental Satanic Panic

Bad news! New York’s Satanic Temple has drawn up plans for a Satanic monument outside the Oklahoma statehouse, including an “interactive children’s display.” Since the state legislature has allowed a Ten Commandments monument there, perhaps the gates have been tossed open to all manner of religious statuary! Here’s what I’m wondering: if “Satan” is an…

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Happy Holidays From the Shack

Apparently the American Family Association has issued a “Scrooge Alert” calling for a “limited one-month” boycott of Radio Shack this Christmas. I think I speak for a lot of Americans when I say “There’s still a Radio Shack?” and furthermore “People still shop there?” and “What on earth do they buy there?” Crowdsourcing revealed nothing…

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The Manetto’s Day Has Come

The other day on Twitter I mused that Vatican III will probably mandate special head-coverings for those with luxuriant sideburns, like, say, Bl. Martin Sheen in my new favorite movie of all time, Catholics. Who could concentrate on the Holy Sacrifice with such manly plentitude on display? I imagined the man-mantilla as a babushka scarf…