Chuck Colson’s Heavenly Man Cave

Over in Christian Post, Christian Right leader — and Watergate felon — Chuck Colson offers a glimpse of his idea of Heaven: Nothing but sweet man-flesh as far as the eye can see! Colson’s writing about a press conference for the Manhattan Declaration, a document signed by all the Christian conservative heavies intended, says Colson, to remind young evangelicals that environmentalism, poverty, and AIDS are fine issues to attend to in your off hours, but real Christian culture war is about three things: abortion, gay marriage, and — well, actually, the third’s kind of vague. He says “religious freedom,” but that seems to mean the freedom to deny other people their freedom. I guess freedom’s just another word for nothing left for other people to lose.

Boring! What Chuck really wants to talk about is cute guys:

There, in front of all those cameras and lights, Christian leaders lovingly, winsomely, and firmly took a stand. I will never forget the picture. I stood between Archbishop Wuerl of Washington and Cardinal Rigali, Archbishop of Philadelphia. I looked over at Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, Jim Daly of Focus on the Family, and Ron Sider, president of Evangelicals for Social Action.

To my left was the brilliant Bishop Harry Jackson, a man who has mobilized African American churches in the District to oppose gay “marriage.” And there was Fr. Chad Hatfield, chancellor of St. Vladimir’s Orthodox Seminary. I was missing only one man, my dear friend, the late Richard Neuhaus.

Missing only one man? By my count, he’s missing Mr. March, Mr. May, and Mr. December. I nominate Ted Haggard, Lonnie Latham, and Larry Craig — or, as I like to call them, Lovingly, Winsomely, and Firmly Took a Stand.

Jeff Sharlet is a founding editor of Killing the Buddha, coauthor with Peter Manseau of Killing the Buddha: A Heretic's Bible (2004) and co-editor of Believer, Beware (2009). Sharlet is also the author of Sweet Heaven When I Die, (2011), C Street, (2010), and the New York Times bestseller The Family (2008).