Haiti Haiti Haiti!!!

PSA for KGOD, Boise Idaho. 1/2010 A.D.

(GARY OWENSESQUE ANNOUNCER) Americans! You know that thing where there’s only one set of footprints on the beach ’cause that’s where Jesus carried you? Well, right now, in Haiti, there aren’t any footprints on the beach.

(OMINOUS SYNTHESIZER) Jesus is overloaded! He needs YOU to step into the breach and help the people of Haiti in their time of need! It’s not just food and shelter! Man doesn’t live on bread alone, fellow Christians!

(“VOODOO” DRUMS) Souls are at risk! And have been for some time in this cursed land! Children! Are growing up with dangerous, Satanic influences! And more are arriving daily! Won’t you help?

(CHEERFUL LIGHT JAZZ) After all, “disaster” is only another word for “opportunity.” God broke Haiti’s eggs, fellow Christians. Who’s going to scramble ’em? Come to




and save




(Laws may vary. If arrested, claim to be doing the Lord’s work.)

Mary Valle lives in Baltimore and is the author of Cancer Doesn't Give a Shit About Your Stupid Attitude: Reflections on Cancer and Catholicism. She blogs on KtB as The Communicant. For more Mary, check out her blog or follow her on Twitter.