How I Exorcised Lena Dunham

I recently realized that something amiss in my person. I realized that I had let something get by my mental gatekeepers. That something was Lena Dunham. In the previous week, I had, knowing better, read too much about her exploits. These stories had wormed themselves into my brain and were beginning to nibble around the edges of my soul.
Instead of cursing myself for not practicing proper information management, I decided to do something about my predicament. After all, I was the one who let the monster in; I could, therefore, get it out.
How does one exorcise Lena Dunham?

Formulate a Plan

You’ll need to design a series of tasks for your exorcism. This is where intuition comes into play:  If you let the thought demons in, you’ll  know to extirpate them. Let self-preservation lead your way.

Write Down Your Steps

You may not do all of them and/or modify some, but you will need a guidebook to spur you and keep you on track. Your self-exorcism may seem silly, but don’t be jokey or ironic. The very marrow of your being at stake. Here are some of my steps:

Hike
Bathe
Call an elderly aunt
Greet a neighbor with sincere warmth and interest
Write postcards to far-flung friends and family, and even those near at hand
Do an unpleasant chore, and do it far beyond your expectations
Take animals and/or children and/or a friend and/or your significant other out to do something they want to do
Light candles, ring bells, chant, do qi gong, yoga and the like
Draw, write poems
Make a vow to speak up for yourself when something isn’t quite right and take others seriously likewise.

Do as Many Steps as Possible

Do not stop until you are fatigued. Exorcism is supposed to be exhausting.

Celebrate Your Progress

Readers, I’m happy to report that my citizen’s exorcism worked! By the end of the day I was smiling, relaxed and grateful for my health. I also had redressed my anger at myself for inviting the Devil (in the form of Ms. Dunham) into my head in the first place. And I learned a little something about correcting my course. I celebrated my accomplishment by cooking a dish called Vegetable Mountain and eating it with gratitude.