Is Tom Leaving Scientology For Suri?

Could be?

Who knows?

I don’t want to set myself up for heartbreak again. I love too much and I hope too much and I never ever give up on some people. Tom Cruise is one of them. I need to maintain an even keel here. This article is gossip; it has nothing to do with me; I shall now direct my attention to more pressing things like copyediting CEU courses and writing grant proposals. But I wonder:

Is something coming?

What if Tom Cruise is leaving Scientology?

(Writer puts down case of Coke in glass bottles, sings passionately in alley under beautifully arranged clotheslines full of immaculately-tinted color-palette-perfect laundry, reaches for sky with both hands)

I know there are plenty of reasons to think this is a spurious report. A former Scientologist, who wishes to remain anonymous, doubts it highly. She told me that David Miscavige, leader of the church, has crazy power over Cruise, and that Miscavige “is a complete madman. He is obsessed with Cruise. He will not let him go.” Becky Garrison, a religion writer, calls BS on this story: “As with John Travolta, the church has so much dirt on Tom he will be toast if he cuts ties with them.”

But maybe it’s just out of reach?

Maybe Tom is going to jump off the (drydocked) S.S. Scientology before she hits that fatal iceberg? And maybe Tom is also having middle-aged feelings re: the fleeting nature of life and how he might not have any real friends but there’s a little girl who needs him more than anything?

Also, think of the unprecedented publicity. They would surely give him an Oscar after this. Surely.

Will the phone jingle? Will the door knock?

Maybe Suri is the 9-year-old girl who can bring down an evil empire and save her dad from monsters?

I got a feeling there’s a miracle due!

Can’t you see Tom single-handedly taking down all the evil scientists and then strutting confidently down the aisles of the lab, opening the cages, setting all the Scientologists free? In perfectly tailored jeans, his tiny Athena waiting for him with leis and fireworks and mariachis playing the Mission: Impossible theme? Can’t you?

The ex-Scientologist does not. She says that it took her years to disengage and get their tentacles out of her mind and heart. “They did everything in their power to to destroy my life. Everything. I met someone years later who told me I was the only ex-Scientologist they knew who could hold down a job. It’s soul-destroying.”

(Writer squinches up eyes, covers ears with hands, hums to herself)

Could be…who knows…