KtB Fall Fashion Tip #62: Eyewear for Luminaries

Nathan’s not the only KtB editor having trouble in the dating department. And if you think the OKCupid pickins are slim in NYC, imagine trying to find a suitable mate in a Northwoods town with a population of 200. There’s not a single OKCupid member, male or female, gay, straight, or otherwise, within a 25 mile radius. Well, OK, there’s me. But lest I date myself, I’ve opted for a late summer fashion makeover sure to attract suitable mates. I can’t divulge all my wardrobe secrets, but I will share with you a certain must-have accessory that’s guaranteed to improve your spiritual outlook, if not your romantic one.

Clothesline Revivalist and KtB friend Alyce Santoro really amped up my swagger last fall with a sonic fabric tie that’s so totally dope I figured it had to be a one-off. But this year’s offering was channelled directly to the artist by Jesus himself during an Amazonian vision quest.

That’s right. Behold, Alyce’s high performance Third Eye Sunglasses:

Softening the glow of mystical illumination.

In 2002 I traveled to the Peruvian rainforest to meet with an “ayahuascero”—a shaman who works in particular with ayahuasca, a very powerful vision-enhancing elixir. For me, the plant medicine provided a range of extremely intense experiences. During one “journey” in particular, I travelled to another planet where Jesus was debarking from a spacecraft wearing a white sparkly Elvis costume. He was also wearing sunglasses with an extra lens for the third eye. I said, “Nice glasses!” and Jesus replied, “Alyce, these are for you.” Since this experience I have been collecting old pairs of glasses from thrift shops with the intent to recreate the glasses in my vision. I’ve finally gotten around to assembling a few pairs—this is one of my favorites.

— Alyce B. Obvious

So get yourself a pair (or a triad) of third eyeglasses, as well as some free tequila, September 10th at this very cool “fashion night out fundraising event for non fashion people.”

Wait. What does that say about me?

KtB editor Quince Mountain lives in the Great Northwoods and is currently at work on a chronicle of belated manhood and unlikely self-help. You can hear about his sexploits as a teenage cowboy for Christ here.