Louisiana Coast: Return to Sender
You’ve been good friends. Great friends! And all that trouble you’re having with the Muslims and stuff? We totally get that. We’ve got our own problems in that area. Heh. So, anyway, maybe you’d like to add some, say, Christians? Catholics, even? Maybe even some who speak a bit Frenchish? Plus some beautiful coastline?
You’re in luck! ‘Cause you remember that whole Louisiana Purchase deal? (You all called it the Vente de la Louisiane?) We love Louisiana, don’t get us wrong, but we thought that y’all might like to have it back. That’s right! We’re ready to return it! Thanks so much, France, for letting us enjoy your Louisiana for all these years, but really, it never was all that American. All that music and food and religion, plus the lingo? It always seemed a little tutti-frutti to us, frankly. But you all? Are gonna love it!
Anyway, tell Carla to get her bikini ready! There’s more good news! She won’t even need to bring her Bain de Soleil cause 100 percent natural earth-made petroleum is right there on the beach, ready for the slatherin’! (Share some photos of the FLOF if you’re so inclined!)
P.S. There might be some English guys in suits lurking about; you know what to do with them, right?
P.P.S. We still like the Statue of Liberty, FYI
Mary Valle lives in Baltimore and is the author of Cancer Doesn't Give a Shit About Your Stupid Attitude: Reflections on Cancer and Catholicism. She blogs on KtB as The Communicant. For more Mary, check out her blog or follow her on Twitter.