Netflix Knows Me

I was browsing Instant Watcher last night and this crazy thing happened. There were all these movies that were literally about me! I was like “what is the Universe trying to tell me?”

I don’t know is the thing.

Here are some examples. This is seriously freaky.

A medical apprentice in 11th-century Persia disguises himself as a Jew to study at a school that does not admit Christians.

I had to disguise myself as a cleric to attend the Vatican’s latest conference on ladies.

Stabbed by an ancient dagger, archaeologist Hess Green develops a lust for human blood and commences a sanguine affair with a beautiful socialite.

I was on a dig in Iraq and found this wee statue and…let’s just say some stuff went down back home.

Years after a series of murders tore apart her Amish hometown when she was a girl, a woman returns home to be the police chief as the killings resume.

I returned to my San Gabriel Valley hometown and my best friend and I were at Pie ‘n Burger and we were totally thirsty because we had to ask for glasses of water and we drank them really fast in case other people tried to steal them and then immediately wanted more so I liberated a plastic pitcher and tucked it under my shawl and then we drank like four more glasses each.  Normally we wouldn’t have cared about water. Who likes it? I told her about the alfalfa situation and she flipped the table, and then we jumped in her Fiero and hotfooted it to Sacramento to tell Governor Moonbeam to take a damn shower and stop lying to everyone.

 

Using some of the Bible’s lesser-known commandments as a springboard, this series examines the customs and traditions of ancient Near East cultures. 

I literally did this! I was like, “those lesser-known commandments get the short shrift, I’m going to make people do them.” Those lesser-known commandments like…wait a minute…let me get my notes. I left them around here somewhere.