New! Scientology Alarm

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
January 27, 2010

Cultco is pleased to announce our new Scientology Alarm. This breakthrough device, which fits discreetly on the back on any wristwatch, can be activated by your blinking alone . Your unique “distress blink” is programmed into the tiny chip, which is set to go off at any time, anywhere. If you’re in a jam and can’t fend for yourself, the Scientology Alarm will broadcast your refusal of unwanted “services” to everyone, loudly and clearly. The alarm can be heard for a 100-foot radius, practically guaranteeing that even in the worst calamity, someone will actually come to your aid. Protect yourself from psychic rape and unwanted touching with the Scientology Alarm: Because bad things happen to good people. Also available in fun children’s multicolored rubber bracelets.