New! Scientology Alarm
Cultco is pleased to announce our new Scientology Alarm. This breakthrough device, which fits discreetly on the back on any wristwatch, can be activated by your blinking alone . Your unique “distress blink” is programmed into the tiny chip, which is set to go off at any time, anywhere. If you’re in a jam and can’t fend for yourself, the Scientology Alarm will broadcast your refusal of unwanted “services” to everyone, loudly and clearly. The alarm can be heard for a 100-foot radius, practically guaranteeing that even in the worst calamity, someone will actually come to your aid. Protect yourself from psychic rape and unwanted touching with the Scientology Alarm: Because bad things happen to good people. Also available in fun children’s multicolored rubber bracelets.
Mary Valle lives in Baltimore and is the author of Cancer Doesn't Give a Shit About Your Stupid Attitude: Reflections on Cancer and Catholicism. She blogs on KtB as The Communicant. For more Mary, check out her blog or follow her on Twitter.