Not Too Polluted Now, Are We?

July 26, 2010/Mary Valle

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BALTIMORE July 26, 2010 – Since many of the world’s holy rivers are now too polluted for ritual use, Baltimore is offering a unique solution: use our Inner Harbor! “It’s just as polluted as the Ganges or Jordan, but offers access to paddleboats, many chain tourist restaurants, and an aging mall with a lot of odd, dusty, off-brand shops,” said Baltimore Now! spokesperson Mindy Maloney. “Additionally, airfare to Baltimore is cheap!” She went on to mention spiritual “packages” and note that “only somewhat toxic” crab delicacies are a specialty of the region. “Being a brackish estuary has never been better!” she exclaimed. “I’m talking about the Atlantic,” she giggled. “Sorry. I know that’s not funny.”