Possible Future Child-Slavery Plans

“… minutes after witnessing the marriage of his 15-year-old daughter in Nevada, the 41-year-old Oler collected a 15-year-old bride of his own and took her home to Bountiful.” (source)

Warren Jeffs, under fire for his part in a possible Canadian girl-smuggling operation, may have had other plans as well, as revealed by notes in his diary and doodles on his Garfield desk blotter, fictionally acquired by Killing the Buddha. Seeing how neatly things went when he worked with Canadian men for girl-swapping, he began to dream big. “What if all American men were given full priesthood in their homes?” he pondered in his diaries. “Something to think about. Watched immoral Mad Men show while on road to Canada, gave me an idea: What if we could ‘market’ the ‘child bride’ idea??? Once any man’s daughter (or sister!) (or granddaughter!) reached that ‘tender age’ we could arrange for his to trade her with another man. Lose a useless daughter, gain another wife!!! Bonus: Wouldn’t have to deal with Canadians any more!!!”

Jeffs also noted a few possible slogans for his new scheme, including such names for the business as Sweet Young Brides, Sugar ‘n’ Spice, and God’s Recycling. What part, if any, this new evidence will play in the ongoing investigation is unclear. However, one of Jeffs’ last notes concerned his dreams of not only having an aboveboard child-sex-slavery ring, but to also sell a TV show based on the idea. “TV will show anything,” he noted. “It’d make the idea more acceptable to the unwashed.”

Some of Jeffs’ slogans and a doodle for a logo:

Raise ’em! Trade ’em! Collect ’em! Girls! God made ’em! We SEE FIT!!!
Useless Daughters Cluttering Your House? Trade ’em in for Sweet Young Brides (TM)!
There’s Nothing Like That New Girl Smell
We’ll Make the Deal, You’ll Break the Seal: Sugar ‘n Spice (TM)
Grow Your Own! Get a Girl Now, Get Another in 12 Years!
God’s Recycling (TM): Something to Feel Real Good About!
From “Dad” to “Sir” and Then Some!

Mary Valle lives in Baltimore and is the author of Cancer Doesn't Give a Shit About Your Stupid Attitude: Reflections on Cancer and Catholicism. She blogs on KtB as The Communicant. For more Mary, check out her blog or follow her on Twitter.