Shine On, You Crazy Diamonds

In a recent Guardian article about Italian Bishop Domenico Mogavero’s flash new Armani-designed liturgical duds, mention was also made of the Pope’s rumored penchant for Prada footwear. “The Vatican daily L’Osservatore Romano scotched the rumours, pointing out that the shoes in question were in fact made by an Italian artisan. ‘The Pope is not dressed by Prada but by Christ,’ the newspaper stated.”

To His Eminence and His Holiness, may I present this:

That’s right. I will not mock the Armani vestments’ “sober type of silk” or give excellent examples of Christ’s taste in Papal wear. I will only confirm that Jesus has been quite busy researching, designing and fabrication of Benedict’s extensive wardrobe. Why am I honoring the card now? Because I like grown men in spectacular garb. Because I saw the shriveled finger of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton in a monstrance last weekend (being of recent provenance, it was still quite identifiable as a part), and my daughter and I both stood there in a kind of nauseated awe, which is, I suppose, the reason for all these costumes and relics. Keep it up, Rome. We depend upon you for this sort of thing. OK. Pollen. Just a minute. No, I’m fine. (garbled) I depend on Rome for this sort of thing! What? No, I just said “Why doesn’t Gollum just take back the ring?” Just some onions…cat fur…I’m fine.