You’re Having Our Baby

July 17, 2014/Mary Valle

…

Do you ever listen to “love songs” shows on your local Lite FM station? They’re always called something like “Love Songs on the Cliff” or “Love Songs on the Peninsula” or “Love Songs From Unincorporated County Territory.” A purrsome female DJ reads the sentiments of people who want to dedicate songs to other people. Like, “Terry, Chris wants you to know that even though he’s really busy with his band, you always come first where it counts. His heart. Here’s ‘Leather and Lace’ by Don Henley and Stevie Nicks.”

I was listening to my local show, “Love Songs from the Estuary with Candy Randall,” last night and something jarred me out of my semi-conscious trance state. Thank goodness I had tape rolling. Candy said “All right, ladies. Here’s one going out to you from Hobby Lobby and Eden Foods. They want you to know that if corporations can be people, they can also be parents. You’re holy vessels, and they honor your noble sacrifice for mankind. This one is for all of you girls, except for those of you committing the evil act of not letting sperm do its job. Everyone else, though.”

Then this happened.