Douthat’s Atheist

Oh Ross. You are making me violate my custody of my mind with your words again. You’re talking Hitchens and his “atheism” or whatever, but the most important thing about this column is the part where Hitchens “cornered” you in a “pantry” at a “Washington dinner party” and “insisted on having a long argument about the Gospel narratives.”

I have to imagine the two of you flushed, a little boozy, excited at being able to talk God with another man, a sportcoated man, in a pantry, at an important Washington party. Oh! The knees weaken a little just thinking about it! And I imagine you and Hitchens snuggled in there together, tasting each other’s breath, smelling each other’s manly scent—and somehow, even though you’re both talking, the words float away and you lock eyes and both think this in unison:

Your paunch
is touching
my own

Sssigh. Damn you, Ross.  I’m going to be racking up more penance and it’s all your fault.