Atheists Bank on the Rapture

Never mind friends and family who’ll be left behind when you’re Raptured—what about those you really love? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, “The next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World,” promises “to step in when you step up to Jesus.” Purchase a ten-year Rapture insurance plan for just $110, and rest easy, knowing that an atheist—not just any old non-believer like a Jew or Satanist but an honest-to-God, non-spiritual, non-religious atheist—will tenderly care for your pet in the event of your heavenly ascension.

From the FAQ:

Q: How do you ensure your representatives won’t be Raptured?

A: Actually, we don’t ensure it, they do.  Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God/Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.

Business Week reports that Eternal Earth-Bound Pets founder, retiree Bart Centre, uses the atheist pledge to assure potential customers that his post-Rapture pet sitters “are wicked enough to be left behind but good enough to take proper care of the abandoned pets.”

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets extends coverage to twenty-two states. Species are limited to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals. (Website note: “We can now offer rescue services for horses, camels, llamas and donkeys in NH,VT, ID and MT.”)

Personally, my pets—camels and fish alike—are registered with a free, volunteer-run service called After the Rapture Pet Care. “The Rapture will be a joyous time for Christians,” an introductory video notes, adding, “But when we’re gone, what will happen to our pets?” Register here to volunteer for post-Rapture pet duty.