God Recap: Guns, Trucks and Inhospitality

God’s been up to a lot of stuff lately.

According to Retired Lt. Gen. William “Jerry” Boykin, Jesus will return carrying an AR-15. Since the AR-15 is the most popular rifle in America, if Jesus touches down on U.S. soil (which he will) the citizenry might not be too alarmed to see that the Lord is armed and ready to personally separate the wheat from the chaff. With bullets.

I think that Jesus will come bearing puppies and rainbows and candy. But, you know, agree to disagree, “Jerry.”


The three seals of the new final judgment!

Meanwhile, Charles Krauthammer has gotten all worked up about “climate change believers” who are defining new sins like “burning coal and driving a fully equipped F-150” and worshiping a new god (sic): Mother Earth. These tree-hugging losers are not only full of climate change propaganda, they are also whoring after other gods.

After all, mammograms aren’t really that great and “Sandy wasn’t even a hurricane when it hit the United States.” Charles, take a breath of nice, semi-fresh air. No one cares if you want to tool around in a mantruck or stoke your home furnace with coal. Go ahead! Get some deadstock Right Guard just to spite all the airy-fairy “ozone depletion” jokers! God-God made the Earth so Man could use it, right? In short: Man. Do what he like. Not worry about “science.” God’s plan!

You better party soon, though, Charles, because I just heard on my CB radio that the “white-coated propagandists” are planning to toss you in an eco-van and whisk you away for brainwashing at one of those stupid organic farms, where you will wear a dress and participate in blasphemous Gaia-worship.

Lastly, in Arizona, it’s now almost legal to discriminate against gay people as long as you “assert your religious beliefs.” If I’m not mistaken, isn’t the Bible full of “love thy neighbor” and “offer hospitality” and whatnot? And isn’t it illegal to discriminate against anyone in this country? Am I missing something? “God” thinks this is cool?

I think God might have other opinions. Watch thy step, Arizona. Armed Jesus might be coming for you.

Mary Valle lives in Baltimore and is the author of Cancer Doesn't Give a Shit About Your Stupid Attitude: Reflections on Cancer and Catholicism. She blogs on KtB as The Communicant. For more Mary, check out her blog or follow her on Twitter.