This Is How My Garden Grows

People have been asking me for years about my garden. Being a bit contrary, I refuse to answer. Frankly, I’ve been of the opinion that gardening is for jokers—but I was so wrong. Go ahead, ask me how my garden grows.

It grows like this.

1. Here’s a hell strip: bane of the urban gardener’s existence. Also known as the “parking strip” or “incredibly bad urban planning idea,” this shabby little plot of rocky soil is usually left to weed.

Nice one, planning masterminds.

2. This “bed” is also subject to dog presents, salt in the winter, and the occasional red Solo cup: Weeds truly are the broken windows on the sidewalks of life. A few months ago, I decided to do something about my hell strip.  I put in a bunch of plants, not knowing which were going to take. Turns out: they all did.

Welcome to the jungle, babies. We’ve got fun and games.

3. The microgarden needed a pinch of pizzazz in the form of a few miniscule tchotchkes. I like the idea of a St. Francis or Buddha, but neither of them in particular. Here’s what I did.

A. Acquired small plastic Joan of Arc.
B. Broke a takeout chopstick in half, and,
C. Hot-glued it to the bottom of the Maid.

This patch isn’t a mere curbside getaway. It’s the Joan of Arc Victory Garden. Greet my patroness:

La pucelle.

4. The only other bit of bling in the JoAVG is this Shrinky-Dink Micro Garden Stake (TM). It’s an M for me and my daughter, who is not named Mary. She is named Margaret.

Teenier than it appears here.

5. Finally, the JoAVG has another friend: for any readers of my late Instant Poetry blog, breathe easy. Coney is still on duty. (The City kindly installed Coney three years ago when the municipal easement adjoining my property crumbled.)

Coney is being reclaimed by Mother Earth. As we all shall be.