Mary Valle, communicating while munching on communion, reports the news in verse.

Killing the Buddha

Netflix Knows Me

I was browsing Instant Watcher last night and this crazy thing happened. There were all these movies that were literally about me! I was like “what is the Universe trying to tell me?” I don’t know is the thing. Here are some examples. This is seriously freaky. A medical apprentice in 11th-century Persia disguises himself…


Is Tom Leaving Scientology For Suri?

Could be? Who knows? I don’t want to set myself up for heartbreak again. I love too much and I hope too much and I never ever give up on some people. Tom Cruise is one of them. I need to maintain an even keel here. This article is gossip; it has nothing to do…


Pope’s Magic Number of Children: Major Clue Revealed

Pope Francis has come out in favor of siblings. “Siblings help you keep your eyes off yourself,” he said, adding To grow up in a family alongside other children is a profound human experience that reaches its fulfillment in Jesus Christ, who became our brother and made us all children of God the Father. I…


Chocolate Deities: Sacrilegious?

Bond Street Chocolate, a small confectionery in the East Village, stocks a good selection of chocolate deities, including Jesus, Moses, the Buddha and the Virgin of Guadalupe. Chocolate Ganesh has been in residence for over five years, but only recently, a Hindu group has lodged a complaint, saying the chocolate Ganesh is offensive to Hindus.…


Vatican’s Conference on Women: Torso Tales

The Vatican’s  conference on women has yielded an embarrassment of embarrassments. Winning the Worst-Of Award, trouncing strong contenders such as the bizarre blond-lady video, the “burqa made of flesh,” the “statistics” which prove women don’t want ordination and the #lifeofwomen tag, is this image of a Man Ray sculpture, found on the Outline page for…


The Papal Explainer: Breeding Like Rabbits

Lots of headlines are trumpeting Pope Francis’ recent declaration that Catholics need not breed like rabbits. However, Catholics are still not allowed to use artificial birth control. There are “licit” ways of preventing pregnancy, said the Pope. Human breeding in a manner unlike rabbits must be done by means of natural family planning (which is…

Killing the Buddha

Different God: Franklin Graham Shuts Down Duke’s Muslim Call to Prayer

At Duke University, a new weekly Muslim call to prayer was to begin Friday at 1 p.m. Muslim students were going broadcast the prayer from the bell tower of Duke’s chapel for about three minutes with “moderate” amplification. Franklin Graham (son of Billy), freaked out and asked Duke alums and donors to turn off the…


Cardinal Burke and the New Emangelicals: A Superfan’s Thoughts

Twitter can sometimes tell us when we first felt something, if it is the sort of thing we note on Twitter. This is my first report on Cardinal Burke. I knew of His Eminence before this day, but I had never really looked at him. Who know why the heart wants what it wants? Something…


News Roundup: God is Woman

On Christmas, a shirtless member of the group Femen, Yana Zhdanova, took the baby Jesus from the St. Peter’s Square nativity scene and shouted “God is woman!” before a guard grabbed her and “covered her chest with his cloak.” Vatican: you should know more than anyone (after 2,000 years in the creche biz) that, where…


5 Hot Holiday Worship Spaces

Traditions are great, but they can be stifling. Sometimes things get so rote we tune everything out, including the whispers of the Divine. Take a moment right now. Think about your plans. Listen to the still, small voice. What is it telling you? I’ll tell you what it’s telling you. ‘Cause God told me to…


Carl Lentz Superstar

You know what I would like to give thanks for in the holiday pre-season? Carl Lentz. And to the Daily Mail for this glorious writeup on him, which gives a good summary of Lentz-descriptions in every single article ever written about him. Meet Carl Lentz, the tattooed, Mohawked pastor flanked by an 11-piece rock band,…


How I Exorcised Lena Dunham

I recently realized that something amiss in my person. I realized that I had let something get by my mental gatekeepers. That something was Lena Dunham. In the previous week, I had, knowing better, read too much about her exploits. These stories had wormed themselves into my brain and were beginning to nibble around the…


Links: Feminist Mikvehs, an Evil Game and a Confused Cardinal

Raymond Cardinal Burke has spoken from his throne again, this time suggesting that the Catholic Church “lacks a rudder.” (JOKE ABOUT CAPPA MAGNA TK) Most Earthlings would say that the rudder is the Pope but maybe having two Popes wasn’t a good idea after all. It’s confusing, even to Cardinals. Anyway, what the church is…


Breaking: God is Not a Wizard

  Pope Francis recently said that, regarding the Big Bang, there’s no conflict behind that concept and faith in God. He went on to say “when we read about creation in Genesis, we run the risk of imagining God was a magician, with a magic wand able to do everything. But that is not so.”…


Shia LaBeouf is a Christian Man

Shia LaBeouf just made a movie, Fury, where he plays a WWII soldier whose faith gets him through war. Something happened during the filming. I found God doing Fury. I became a Christian man, and not in a fucking bullshit way—in a very real way. I could have just said the prayers that were on…


Halloween: Your Questions, Answered

Halloween’s origins lie in the Celtic mists of carved turnips, bonfires and celebrations of life and death. It’s always been a fun/spooky time of year since, of course, the flipside of  harvest is utter desolation and fleece socks. The Irish brought Halloween to America, where it became a children’s holiday. Tots were free to wear…

Lightening strikes the Vatican

Synod ’14: Schism in the Air



Evil Brands, 7th Heaven and Kirk: News Roundup

  Do brands make people less religious? — I’ll fax you my reply   Bad TV pastor: I furrow my brow — secretly liked the show   Movie Review: Left Behind Kirk Cameron, I take it all back